Fellow educator and blogger LK at The Displaced Plainsman reads with proper disgust this account of a New York State standardized test that completely misses the point of a silly Daniel Pinkwater story. Pinkwater calls the now infamous pineapple question "nonsense on top of nonsense on top of nonsense." Yay: just what I want my job evaluations and pay based on.
LK turns his test-making skills to the State of South Dakota and Governor Daugaard's test-loving education reforms:
I have my own slightly less inane multiple guess question:
After hearing about the pineapple and the hare, Governor Daugaard and Secretary Schopp will
- stubbornly insist that standardized testing is a great way to evaluate teachers.
- claim that paying math and science teachers more than English, history, art or music teachers will help students answer the question about why the animals ate the pineapple.
- offer Pearson a 10 year contract to write Dakota STEP tests.
- all of the above [LK, "Why Would a Wise Forest Animal Eat a Talking Pineapple?" The Displaced Plainsman, 2012.04.26].
Related: An eager reader notes that standardized tests are cutting into lunch time and potty breaks for our little ones.
If someone offers you the chance to sign a petition to refer House Bill 1234 to a public vote, please do so, and protect your kids from the madness of more standardized tests.
Who is the pineapple in the story: teachers or the Daugaard administration?
I have an idea. How about instead of teaching our kids about eating pineapples (I'd eat the pineapple, too. Pineapples are tasty), we teach them some damned conic sections. You know they don't teach conic sections in algebra, anymore? One of the core reasons for calculus? One of the reasons Newton invented calculus? Because the state decided that they weren't important enough to put on standardized tests.
Well, personally, I think the pineapple story is delightful and the Hare was obviously the wisest. That leaves only the one perplexing question, to which the most likely answer is that they ate the pinapple out of spite.
Is that the suggested answer?
p.s. the whole story reminds me of this bit from "The Princess Bride."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2y40U2LvKY
(...oh, and Sibby of course. A lesson in paranoid politics.)
"A lesson in paranoid politics"
So why all of a sudden you guys agree with my warnings about standards. How can you be paranoid about things that are true?
Wait, did the hare bet on himself, or against himself?
Assuming, as he is an animal, that he also bet on the pineapple, would that not make the bookie the wisest?
If he did bet on himself, I agree with Bill.
Maybe it's a political metaphor! The pineapple tricked the animals into thinking it was the best choice, and it turned out to just be lying to get their money, so they ate it. Maybe we should do that with politicians.
Who does the pineapple represent, then? Romney? Obama? Fascists? Socialists? Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels? Agitprop? All of the above, of course. This is a high school test. That's always the right answer in high school (and never in college. Tricky).
I think most of us agreed standardized tests were a bunch of bull, Sibby.
But please, rehash your views for us!
Well, Carter, the animals never bet. They just talked each other into believing the pineapple would win. In the end, no one but the Hare thought the hare would win (except maybe the pineapple?*) The only two things the Hare said were in essence were: 1. He would win the race and 2. Pineapples aren't animals.
*on the test, the wisdom of the pineapple was never directly called into question. Only indirectly, as to why he was eaten. Also the option of "because the hare was to fast and too skinny to catch and eat instead" wasn't listed as an option. Okay, perhaps I am enjoying this story a little too much? ;^)
Sibby, are you a hare, or a pineapple, brother. Maybe somehow it makes a difference.
Bill, I am a human being.
Oh yeah, I forgot, Sibby doesn't do metaphors.
Sorry, Sib.
But hey, if a rose is just a rose, then what's a meta for?
Okay, perhaps I am enjoying this story a little too much? ;^)
Bill would you enjoy the story as much if the pineapple had been an eggplant? According to the link Cory provides, that's what the food was in the original story?
I would probably have not been so upset about using the story on a statewide test if the fruit had been a Granny Smith apple. Pineapples are too sweet and eggplant is too mushy. The Granny Smith apple is crisp and tart, qualities that are sorely lacking in most current discourse.
Those who devised and imposed HB 1234 will think this question cogent and definitive, because it patterns their own thinking about education.
Aside from the fact that the question violates every principle of testing and measurement, it does show a prime example of how to throw cognitive processes into total disarray. as the comments here indicate. Note how quickly they focus on divining the symbolism of hares and pineapples to the exclusion of any narrative coherence that Cory and LK, as teachers of linguistic arts and sciences, would assume it should.
As a side note, eating a pineapple is really difficult (and also awful) if you don't cut off the outside. Were the animals so furious they just ate through the skin? Did they cut off it's skin first, and then eat it while the hare wore the leaves on top as a crown?
Why are these animals all so horrible? The answer to the entire question, perhaps, is that there is no mercy among animals, and in the jungle, death is lurking around every corner (especially for liars!).
The "have" at the end of that last sentence got cut off.
LK, everyone knows eggplants are liars. That's probably why they changed it. Now... did Newquist just tell me up there that I flunked the dang test? ...or what?
Sibby do you think this pineapple story is a lesson about coveting?
Bill is correct: The eggplant is the most mendacious of all the vegetables. It is a known, given fact.
Also, many animals dislike tart, acidic foods. Did the foxes abstain from eating the pineapple?
Bill,
I would give both you and Carter a "B+" for making absurd comments to deal with abusurdity.
Dr. Newquist may have a more stingent grading rubric than I have.
LK, how do we get an A?
Chris, I don't think foxes are physically capable of eating pineapples. That said, they are cunning. Perhaps they were the wisest. They let the other animals fatten themselves up on the pineapple, and then when they were all tired and slow....
You work was good, but the new teacher evaluation criteria that determine whether I get merit pay say that I have to dock you some participation points because you make fun of Sibby.
It's one of that left-wing, Socialist, New Age Marxist Theocracy union imposed rules.
Well, as long as the New Age Church of Pagan Sex Worship isn't involved...
Okay, I feel bad now.
Hey! Has anyone ever noticed there's a really tiny smiley face in the bottom left corner, just above "Madville Times"?
Ummm... no.
But I learned how to type an owl yesterday.
Can I get extra credit for that?
,___,
[O.o]
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(If Carter and I were back in grade school, they would be urging our parents to give us Ritalin.)
Oh, that's neat.
,___,
[O.o]
/)__)
-"–"-
How do you do the middle "–"?
I can do Horatio Caine...
( •_•)
( •_•)>âŒâ– -â–
(âŒâ– _â– )
YYYYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
Okay, we need to stop spamming Cory's blog before he gets home and finds out...
I told him he should get a forum, but I think this topic is a good argument as to why that won't happen..
....................../´¯/)
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santa claus. sani flush. drano.
"Okay, we need to stop spamming Cory’s blog before he gets home and finds out…"
Worse yet, read the Bible verses on mockers.
anything in there on knockers, steve?
Actually, I do feel bad for making fun of Steve so much today. Sorry for making fun of you so much, Steve.
Do you guys walk to work or pack your lunch?
Talk about a screw loose!
Opened my lunch sack and it was all pineapples and eggplant, with nary a sign of hare.
Larry, I think you/ll find those verses in Song of Solomon and all that there about twin gazelles.
Some days it is also about blogs, as in 6:11: "I went down to the nut orchard..."
Oxymoron of the day: grown men.
o' god...we're so busted.
I really want a pineapple right now. All this talk of fruit is making me hungry, and I'm aghast to find I have no fruits in my house. Such a shame.
Check it out, now...
My img src doesn't work on your blog, Cory!
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/259/happymadville.jpg/
Anne that was a good one!
Ahhh. NOW I see it. Good eye, Carter!
How long has that thing been there?
p.s. Yes Anne, that WAS a good one.
You too David. Great lunch bag image.
Sidenote: There is, of course, a good reason for changing out the eggplant with a pineapple, especially in New York, but I don't want to go into it and spoil the mood.
That question isn't so insane as you think it is insane.
They ate the pineapple because it was a whiney moneygrubber.
Please allow me to stray back on topic, whatever that is (I forget. What is the topic here?)
When I visited the new "Books-a-Million" dead-tree lexicon repository in Rapid City after Borders went down (taking a lot of my demised biomass with it), I saw a 20-foot-wide, four-foot high rack of books devoted entirely to preparing for standardized tests.
Whilst Borders ususally had 10 or 12 of my work on their shelves, all in a limited but consolidated "math and science" location, the new store has only three or four of my works (that I could find), scattered around seemingly at random throughout the store.
Well, it could be worse. They could have none of my books at all ... but they'd have more of them if I started in with the "Test Yourself" series idea that my editor has suggested. Great banks of practice questions ... people have indicated that that is, in fact, what they really want. And the book stores (what few of them remain) reflect that reality.
I've proposed some books along the "test yourself" line, but a little freer ... Dynamic books I'd call them, or books-in-the-cloud, evolving day to day, with "question/hint/answer" sequences that would work great on Wi-Fi tablets. These works wouldn't exactly be meant to prepare people for standardized tests; they'd be like "flash quizzes." People do learn from question-and-answer sessions. I'm not sure they learn anything of substance from standardized-test-preparation guides, except how to create a strategy for passing a test.
Check one two. Check one two. Bah!
I feel considerable unease about the American obsession with testing, testing, and more testing. Good grief. There's gotta be a better way. In our quest to create efficient little machines to populate our cybot society, are we forgetting the art of living?
One of the coolest things I've seen in recent years is the procession of little kids that takes place between the Deadwood/Lead elementary school and the Deadwood Recreation center every day. Swimming lessons, triathlon preparation! Not sitting there filling in little ovals, but actually getting out and learning how to live in a physical, visceral way.
Maybe that paradigm has something to do with the Lead/Deadwood approach where (as I understand it) they rely on local property taxes and not state taxes to fund the schools. I'm not an expert in that field, but I can say that I don't mind paying higher property taxes than I would do in, say, Huron, if it means we can educate our kids they way they ought to be educated.
Now I want to see a picture of a 10-year-old sitting on the toilet, filling in little ovals with a black No. 2 pencil.
No child left untested. Bah!
Oh, Larry Kurtz was clearly the winner in the "Test for Typing Imagery" test! I wasn't aware that that particular greeting was typeable. (Tipe-uh-bul)
I worked for Pearson as a test scorer for three years. There are three parts to the testing process:
1. Writing the test - Pearson writes tests in conjunction with the entity, usually a state, where the test will be used.
2. Creating scoring rubrics - Most of that was done by the state, with input from Pearson.
3. Scoring tests - I did tests from Arkansas, Virginia, and a few other distant states. It didn't appear that any one state did a better job than any other. I have no idea what the test-taking setting was, but I know more about how they created the rubrics, which governed how we assigned points to each student response.
The director for the particular test we were scoring that day was the Pearson employee who had worked with the state in writing the test and creating the rubric. She explained the rubric to us, we asked questions, then scored some practice tests that had already been scored to see if we gave the same number of points. The scale was usually 0-4. We asked more questions and discussed various examples. Our job as scorers was not to use our individual skills or opinions, but to follow the rubric as closely as possible.
On average, I'd say the tests were decent. Not excellent, not profound, not even highly skilled measuring devices. I don't know if such a test can be written when so many are part of the process. Some questions were downright stupid, near Hare and Pineapple status.
The rubrics were less stellar than the tests. Sometimes they seemed simply capricious or random. The one that stands out to me was about picking up trash and recycling. The list of acceptable words for what they picked up included trash, junk, garbage, litter, and more. But expressly forbidden was the word "rubbish." If the student wrote that they were picking up rubbish, they didn't get the point.
The scorers were a random bunch. We were each required to have at least a bachelor degree, and that was about it. There were many scorers wanting to do the best we could, and some who were there for an easy paycheck. There was a guy who slept through the entire four hour shift. (It was 6-10pm.) I figured that was better than just assigning random numbers.
BTW, our scoring setting was a big, warehouse-like room filled with rows of tables topped by computers. There were probably about 100 of us there.
I never scored a test above middle school level. Probably a good idea.
best not to get any on ya, DE....
besides, i plagiarized it....