Attention, Black Hills males with inferiority complexes! Come learn how to be manly God-warriors from this smug mook.
Something called "The Awakening" is hosting a "Black Hills Men's Conference" on Saturday, October 12, at the Sturgis Community Center. The keynote speaker is Brad Stine, who styles himself "the premiere comedian/teacher to men in the U.S." For a small fee ($35 registration), "God's Comic" will bust your gut and hit you between the eyes with real! aggressive! masculine!!! truth from the Lord. Stine's favored topics:
- Die a Warrior!
- The Bible is a man’s book
- The weapon to defeat addiction
- Great sex for married men [Brad Stine, "Men-Only Events," BradStine.com, downloaded 2013.08.28].
Even if I were a Christian, Stine would have nothing to teach me other than the continued weakness and errancy of mankind. Stine sounds like he's reading the Bible in the original Klingon. Or, like far too many fallible mortals, he's simply living by a Bible concocted by his testosterone-craving imagination to suit his own desires for machismo and admiration.
To briefly rebut each of Stine's stock topics:
- Jesus did not die a warrior in any conventional, chest-thumping sense. He died in submission and public shame.
- Any claim that the Bible belongs to anyone other than all of humanity should offend Christian ears.
- Stine plies the same addiction to machismo peddled by the energy drink and erectile dysfunction ads that make commercial radio unlistenable in my household.
- If Jesus had one Saturday conference to spread the Gospel, he would not spend that precious time advising men how to have great sex! Jesus and the Bible aren't opposed to nookie, but to think that great sex! is a top-ten Biblical priority demonstrates the self-serving deceit of Stine's schtick.
As a bonus, Stine gets on TV by smirkingly asserting, contrary to all obvious truth, that President Barack Obama is not a Christian. We know such a statement to be a pernicious lie. Whatever a real Christian man is, he probably doesn't tell pernicious lies. Stine peddles that pernicious lie. Bodybuilders and 98-pound weaklings alike can draw the logical conclusion.
Bighorn Canyon Ministries, incorporated in 2011 by Rev. Rep. Scott Craig, associate pastor George Yorba, and Family Heritage Alliance exec Dale Bartscher, is one of the big movers behind this perversion of Jesus's message. Other sponsoring and thus erring churches are the Sturgis Open Bible Church and the Bismarck Prairie Family Church. (Pastor Greg Carr will probably ride his motorcycle—irony!—in the October chill just to show how macho God makes him.) These men will gather just a block over from Dick and Jane's Naughty Spot. Maybe these warriors for Jesus will stroll up Lazelle Street for a breakout session to tell Sturgis smut-peddler David Eliason what makes a real man.
Christian men, save your $35. Don't spend your money on Stine's fake-Christian affirmation of conventional John-Wayne masculinity. Be a real man: spend your money and your time with your wife and kids. Don't serve yourself; serve others, and serve the Lord.