Nelson, Bosworth, Rhoden Share Family Heritage Alliance Stage

Last updated on 2014.10.02

No fisticuffs... alas!

The Family Heritage Alliance hosted the three Republican challengers to Marion Michael Rounds's primary coronation in Rapid City last Wednesday. And bless their theocratic hearts, they are kind enough to post video of three stump speeches in a row. Here's what Rep. Stace Nelson, Dr. Annette Bosworth, and Sen. Larry Rhoden say in front of a crowd trembling with fear of whatever is attacking families and the Bible:

Highlights:

Rep. Stace Nelson opens by declaring himself a "poor, worthless, ignorant, but honest sinner." He almost immediately challenges that last adjective by saying there's "not a political bone in my body." He calls himself a "bigger, younger, less Ivy-League-educated version of Ted Cruz."

Nelson chides his hosts for not allowing him to distribute the voting scorecards that got some party poobahs steamed enough to lie about him after the Lincoln County GOP dinner the previous week. He attacks Rhoden in all but name with his warning to the conservatives in the room not to fall the assurances of a former Democrat that he has been a "lifelong conservative." Nelson harkens there to charges he's floated online that Rhoden voted for Jimmy Carter and Tom Daschle.

Cringe moment: when Nelson tells the crowd not to vote for the prettiest face or smile, he turns and Bosworth wins the prettiest smile contest. Yeeesh—the good old boy in you may think you're just being a an old-fashioned gentleman, but the pretty-little-thing bit plays as condescension nigh on sexism.

Dr. Annette Bosworth builds her speech around the phrase "pioneer blood within me," based on the fact that she grew up on a farm that she then says in her speech she desperately wanted to escape. She says she became a doctor because "I hate doing hog chores."

Bosworth repeats her claim to have won a beauty pageant to help pay for college. She says she won a state and national pageant. Having heard this claim in two speeches, I now want documentation. The Internet wasn't recording these things yet in 1990, so who's got the old yearbook or newspaper clipping? What pageant did Bosworth win?

Bosworth concludes by sloshing through this confusing mishmash of personal anecdote and phrases that sound good in her head but need to be pounded into a more detailed and focused message:

In 2010 I am looking at another problem. It's a shelter that's six weeks from death. They've got budget cuts that have taken away the resources for teenagers with sex drugs rock and roll. The cost of the healthcare needs in this shelter were outrageous, and my friend was running the shelter. I said, I'm a physician, I'll help you. The first month I'll save you $200,000. There's only 65 kids. That's your tax dollars. One month later, $200,000 less, and we've got a few more weeks on life to keep this shelter open. For the next six months I do that again and again and again. And I use my pioneering skills that I've used throughout my life. There was an ultrasound in the exam room. There wasn't one abortion referred to in that time I shared that shelter.

But we had a problem. Your U.S. Government said we've never seen it done like that before. And they put crosshairs on me. And it was those pioneering skills that taught me and continue to teach me how do you solve problems. I look forward to talking with you more about how this story turns out, but I want the message for you to hear that when you look at who should be pioneering the next chapter of the U.S. Senate, let it be a South Dakotan that has had pioneer blood pumping through their hearts solving problems for 41 years in different avenues. I am not a career politician, I'm a doctor. One fifth of your economy in 2014 will be health care and health care delivery. And we need a South Dakotan with a voice like that in Washington [Annette Bosworth, speech, Family Heritage Alliance Black Hills luncheon, 2013.09.25].

Bear with me as I draw my speech coach clipboard:

1. The shelter was threatened by budget cuts—so who imposed those budget cuts? Republicans? Are you opening the door to an indictment of the anti-people politics of the party you are trying to embrace?
2. "resources for teenagers with sex drugs rock and roll"—you can see you need to rephrase this, right? And are you now channeling Tipper Gore 1985?
3. "that's your tax dollars"—ah, so it was a government-funded shelter. Tell us, who cut that budget? If it was 2010, could it have been Governor Mike Rounds?
4. The ultrasound and abortion—I understand, you're in front of the fundies, you've got to talk about saving babies, but how does that detail fit here in this story about keeping the shelter open? Were abortions somehow driving this shelter into bankruptcy?
5. U.S. Government... crosshairs—wait a minute! I thought it was the South Dakota state government that was out to get Bosworth.
6. I look forward to talking with you more about how this story turns out—No!!! You knew you had five minutes. Prepare your speech so you can drive the point home with facts, not just leave the vague impression that you did something with some shelter. Don't get lost in the weeds of your own stump-speech karaoke... which you do with phrases like...
7. Solving problems for 41 years—please explain what the problems you pioneer blood solved at age 2 that are relevant to this Senate race.
8. One-fifth of your economy will be health care—but I thought Republicans were about getting government out of health care. By saying our Senator should be a doctor, aren't you suggesting that you'd be making all sorts of government rules and programs about health care?

Bosworth, like her husband, just doesn't know how to beat all those fuzzy little phrase bubbles into one tight, focused speech.

Sen. Larry Rhoden says he was approached last summer by "a group of Christian businessmen" about running for U.S. Senate. Rhoden says he did a lot of praying and "waiting for a burning bush," but that now he feels he has "a clear calling from God" to run. The logical conclusion: if you don't support Rhoden, you're supporting Satan.

Rhoden lists four qualities a Senator needs. With the first, integrity, he punches back at Nelson:

Somebody that would distort people's records and misrepresent facts or paint a tainted picture is somebody that cannot be trusted and should not be our next U.S. Senator [Sen. Larry Rhoden, speech, Family Heritage Alliance Black Hills luncheon, 2013.09.25].

We all know Nelson loves tangling his opponents in their own voting records. His opponents hate it, because at best, they can only escape with complicated explanations of what the bills and their procedural votes were really about... and four times out of five, if you're campaigning, and you're having to explain yourself, right or wrong, the other guy is winning.

Rhoden asks his audience to distinguish his "accomplishments" from some "finite amount of votes" that he's made. Rhoden also asks his West River neighbors to vote for his leadership skills and his ability to build coalitions and move an agenda. Both statements are clear digs at Nelson, whose own bills have been marked for death by the Republican leadership in Pierre for the last two sessions.

The Family Heritage Alliance clearly wants an alternative to whatever watery Republicanism they think Mike Rounds peddles. We wait with bated breath for conservatives across the state to play and replay this video showing their three main choices side-by-side to see whom they'll pick for the 2014 primary.

p.s.: Dock the doc two points! At the very end, Bosworth forgets to politely applaud for Rhoden!