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Dear Herman: You’re Not Worth the Democratic Machine’s Time

Last updated on 2011.11.09

Say what, Herman?

"The Democrat machine in America has brought forth a troubled woman to make accusations, many of which exceed common sense," Cain said. "And they certainly exceed the standards of decency in America" [Justin Sink, "Cain Denies Allegations as Another Woman Speaks Publicly," The Hill, 2011.11.08].

Democrats are manufacturing the Cain sexual harassment scandal? Herman, I have reality caliing on Line 1.

To explain, permit me to channel my inner Machiavelli. Suppose I'm an unprincipled Democrat (cue the peanut gallery: "Hey, that's redundant!"). Suppose I'm hell-bent on re-electing Barack Obama and am willing to lie, cheat, and steal to ensure that result. When do I attack, and whom?

I certainly don't attack right now. At last report, my guy has $61 million on hand. Let's look at the GOP challengers:

I don't spend money unless I perceive a threat. The only man who can beat my guy is Romney. I save my money for autumn and let the GOP challengers do my work for me for as long as they can stick in. If Romney wins the nomination, then we fire everything we've got at him. If anyone upsets Romney, we smoke some cigars, get ready for batting practice, and turn our main attention toward positioning someone to run as Obama's successor in 2016.

If we Democrats were going to risk manufacturing a scandal with twelve months to go, with all that time for Andrew Breitbart or Steve Sibson to ferret out and reveal our dirty tricks, we wouldn't launch that risky strike against a non-threat. We'd launch that risky strike against a clear and present danger, a moderate Republican showing the ability to rally Republicans and Independents across the spectrum. No one like that has gained traction in the GOP field.

If Herman Cain can deceive himself with a fantasy of persecution at the hands of a Democratic machine terrified of his power, it's hard to say what other fantasies and deceptions he might be capable of.

Update 20:18 MST: Dang: I'm thinking just like James Carville and Donna Brazile.

Update 2011.11.09 07:16 MST: I always get nervous when wingnuts agree with me. But Ed Randazzo does: he says Romney is the inevitable GOP nominee, and he says Romney will lose to Obama.


  1. larry kurtz 2011.11.08

    Exactly. These unsurprising incidents seem more like sexual assault than harassment. David Brooks called this pre-primary posturing the "silly season."

    Godfather's Toast: great name for a new talk show. You read it at Madville Times first.

  2. larry kurtz 2011.11.08

    dang it: Herman comes to grips with his inner Weiner

  3. Bill Fleming 2011.11.08

    Herman spanked by inner weiner.

  4. Stan Gibilisco 2011.11.10

    "The only man who can beat my guy is Romney."

    Cory, I think you're right.

  5. Nathan Nash 2011.11.10

    You really surprise me, Cory. Using your survey of campaign dollars as the basis, Cain appears to be among the 99%. However, your guy, Obama, appears to be in position of the proverbial 1%. It was my understanding that the 1% were always the criminals and the 99%-ers were always the victims. Where is your solidarity? Join me in fighting for the 99%!

  6. caheidelberger Post author | 2011.11.10

    Nice try, Nathan! Herman Cain, CEO, Koch Brothers' plant, is anything but a member of the 99%. He is no victim of corporate personhood run rampant; he is a member!

  7. Nathan Nash 2011.11.11

    Well, you can't blame me for trying. However, while we're pointing fingers at Cain, your boy, Obama, has gotten the most money of any Presidential Candidate EVER from Wall Street! I guess as long as there is a (D) next to his name that little fact doesn't matter to the "99%".

    "Beat Obama with a Cain" Cain - 2012!

  8. caheidelberger Post author | 2011.11.11

    (a) A campaign slogan that conjures a literal vision of violence sounds very Herman Cain... tone-deaf, hubristic, and very wrong.

    (b) Obama's coziness with Wall Street makes me uneasy as well. Cain's coziness with his fellow CEOs offers no comparative advantage. If you want me to seriously consider voting for Herman Cain instead of Barack Obama, you have to at least give me a voting issue that distinguishes them.

  9. Bill Fleming 2011.11.11

    Personally, I'm sincerely hoping Cain WILL be Obama's opponent.

  10. caheidelberger Post author | 2011.11.11

    Bill, that an oaf and blowhard like Cain could win a major party nomination might convert me to Sibby's view that democracy is bad.

  11. Bill Fleming 2011.11.11

    *ahem* Cory. Three letters: G.W.B.

  12. caheidelberger Post author | 2011.11.11

    Cain is worse. At some level, GW actually gives a damn about someone other than himself. At some level, GW believes he was doing right for the country. At some level, GW believed he at least had to be a decent guy. Remember those words "compassionate conservatism"? GW could at least formulate the phrase, if not follow through on it. Cain seems to embrace the idea that he can act like a jerk and still deserve to be President.

    For example, Cain thinks he can actually joke about Anita Hill. Tone-deaf hubris.

  13. Michael Black 2011.11.11

    Cory, let the people in Iowa and New Hampshire decide for us who the Republican nominee will be. Our votes in SD probably won't count for anything.

Comments are closed.